Bastard!
Been a while since I've written anything...
I'm a real bastard! Recently, I got to know this girl through friendster and started to talk to her on the phone. Somehow, I started telling her how much I loved her and she started believing in me... That was great until we met on friday and oh my god... She's really HUGE! She warned me that she's a 100 kg and... well I kind of thought she was joking. So when I saw her I was just shocked. But I've already committed myself to it. Was it pity, stupidity or sick perverse when I started to hold her hand and kiss her? Oh my evilnes... What the hell was I thinking? I must really be sick! At that time, I guess all I wanted was for her to be happy.
I mean, I just wanted to give this really fat girl a break in her life. Make her feel wanted and all that. And although I was really cringing inside I ended out making out with her. Hey, it's not that bad when she was grabbing my dick. Somehow the disgust was disguised to lust. Ughh... I feel so sick man! That's really one of the chapters I want to close in my life! I admit it, I'm superficial!!! I want to be with girls that are attractive. So after that incident, I totally stopped contacting her and after a while she spent me an e-mail asking me what happened and I told her that some rubbish that made no sense even to me. She replied with an e-mail that blasted me with what a jerk I am in a rather nice way. That's the end of that chapter in my life I hope! I keep thinking what would happen if one day I'm in the hospital and she's the nurse on duty?(she training to be a nurse you see) Would she spit in my food, ignore my calls for help or make my stay horrible? I'm going to stay away from hospitals for at least 5 years. Hopefully by then she'll forget me! I'm such a bastard. I have no idea what I should do now to make amends... Plus my fingers stunk for a few days after that incident. I don't think I want to put them in a girl's pussy anymore. Yucks... I think I'll make a horrible lover!
On other girl matters, I seem to be drifting further and further away from Cheryl. Oh well... I guess we are not meant to be. Whenever I tell her how I feel about stuff she always gives me some shitty zen wisdom shit. Like when I go on about how I'm getting stressed out in school then she'll tell me to enjoy my school days because working life sucks. Look, even if that's true, I don't give a damn. I'm looking for sympathy not your "higher than thou" wisdom shit. Or when I'm bitching about my increased weight she'll go "eat less, diet more". Ya ya... I feel that I'm talking to a very cold person when I'm trying to talk to her about myself. More often she feels emotional and warm to me is when she is telling me about her self. Feel that this is so one sided. Reflecting on this, I really don't think we can communicate well at all. She's just too serious for me. We just don't click. Perhaps I've a more childish and playful nature. I like to make crude jokes, laugh at people and enjoy dirty jokes. She's the type that hangs out with her goody goody ex-secondary school teachers from a convent school, laugh at nice jokes and enjoy the company of all her good looking witty gay friends. I should move on in life... She's definitely moving on, she's been going out with friend after friend for dinners.(probably other guy friends) I'm sick of asking her out, waiting for her time table to be clear so she can go out, her being so un-understanding about me being in school, I too have my stress in school although it may be less compared to her work but HEY! She gets paid in good money with I get a pathetic allowance!
One in a while she messages me to ask me how's my day. What does she want from me?!? Does she want another friendship like the kind she has with my brother where they ask one another out once in a year? What's the point of that? GRrr... I'm moving on...
Maybe Beng Lee is free next week... Recently asked her if she's agreeable to a fling with me and she said she "really wouldn't mind". Well, not sure if I want to do anything physical with her but at least I've got some female companionship. Kenny, Kevin and the other guys are right. I'm such a buaya.
Do wish that there's a girl I could just settle down with. Currently my ideal of an ideal girl is Huiwen. Too bad she's attached! She's such a nice person. Well... Who knows, maybe some one else might drop into my life. Someone I could joke with without feeling uncomfortable and unnatural.
I'm a real bastard! Recently, I got to know this girl through friendster and started to talk to her on the phone. Somehow, I started telling her how much I loved her and she started believing in me... That was great until we met on friday and oh my god... She's really HUGE! She warned me that she's a 100 kg and... well I kind of thought she was joking. So when I saw her I was just shocked. But I've already committed myself to it. Was it pity, stupidity or sick perverse when I started to hold her hand and kiss her? Oh my evilnes... What the hell was I thinking? I must really be sick! At that time, I guess all I wanted was for her to be happy.
I mean, I just wanted to give this really fat girl a break in her life. Make her feel wanted and all that. And although I was really cringing inside I ended out making out with her. Hey, it's not that bad when she was grabbing my dick. Somehow the disgust was disguised to lust. Ughh... I feel so sick man! That's really one of the chapters I want to close in my life! I admit it, I'm superficial!!! I want to be with girls that are attractive. So after that incident, I totally stopped contacting her and after a while she spent me an e-mail asking me what happened and I told her that some rubbish that made no sense even to me. She replied with an e-mail that blasted me with what a jerk I am in a rather nice way. That's the end of that chapter in my life I hope! I keep thinking what would happen if one day I'm in the hospital and she's the nurse on duty?(she training to be a nurse you see) Would she spit in my food, ignore my calls for help or make my stay horrible? I'm going to stay away from hospitals for at least 5 years. Hopefully by then she'll forget me! I'm such a bastard. I have no idea what I should do now to make amends... Plus my fingers stunk for a few days after that incident. I don't think I want to put them in a girl's pussy anymore. Yucks... I think I'll make a horrible lover!
On other girl matters, I seem to be drifting further and further away from Cheryl. Oh well... I guess we are not meant to be. Whenever I tell her how I feel about stuff she always gives me some shitty zen wisdom shit. Like when I go on about how I'm getting stressed out in school then she'll tell me to enjoy my school days because working life sucks. Look, even if that's true, I don't give a damn. I'm looking for sympathy not your "higher than thou" wisdom shit. Or when I'm bitching about my increased weight she'll go "eat less, diet more". Ya ya... I feel that I'm talking to a very cold person when I'm trying to talk to her about myself. More often she feels emotional and warm to me is when she is telling me about her self. Feel that this is so one sided. Reflecting on this, I really don't think we can communicate well at all. She's just too serious for me. We just don't click. Perhaps I've a more childish and playful nature. I like to make crude jokes, laugh at people and enjoy dirty jokes. She's the type that hangs out with her goody goody ex-secondary school teachers from a convent school, laugh at nice jokes and enjoy the company of all her good looking witty gay friends. I should move on in life... She's definitely moving on, she's been going out with friend after friend for dinners.(probably other guy friends) I'm sick of asking her out, waiting for her time table to be clear so she can go out, her being so un-understanding about me being in school, I too have my stress in school although it may be less compared to her work but HEY! She gets paid in good money with I get a pathetic allowance!
One in a while she messages me to ask me how's my day. What does she want from me?!? Does she want another friendship like the kind she has with my brother where they ask one another out once in a year? What's the point of that? GRrr... I'm moving on...
Maybe Beng Lee is free next week... Recently asked her if she's agreeable to a fling with me and she said she "really wouldn't mind". Well, not sure if I want to do anything physical with her but at least I've got some female companionship. Kenny, Kevin and the other guys are right. I'm such a buaya.
Do wish that there's a girl I could just settle down with. Currently my ideal of an ideal girl is Huiwen. Too bad she's attached! She's such a nice person. Well... Who knows, maybe some one else might drop into my life. Someone I could joke with without feeling uncomfortable and unnatural.
posted by supercharles | 8:24 AM
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